Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
