i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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