We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
