the condom got lost in my hair
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
