This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
