I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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