I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
