Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?