ooooooooooooo i'm drink
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.