I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life