i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?