I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑