i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?