I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You smell like stripper and shame
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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