i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
