In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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