Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
