Betty ford says i'm here all night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
