Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holy shit dude........stairs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
