Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
