Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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