I cockslap morals
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
