Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.