Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.