i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.