Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive