I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
I think I just shit out all my problems.