My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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