Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize