is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
