this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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