and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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