So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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