sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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