I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
