Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
