btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How external is "for external use only"?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
