We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
