if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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