He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
