I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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