If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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