Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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