I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sext me about skeletons
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
