There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
