who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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