Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
