Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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