I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
