Buhtt sex?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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