I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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