His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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