My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize