You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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