I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
