Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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