The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
50% drunk capacity currently
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
