his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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