I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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