yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
