dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
