I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
