she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
