it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
