I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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