I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
