Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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