quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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