Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
