Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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