wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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